i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
