her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize