Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
