If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
