New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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