Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
