yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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