I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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