Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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