Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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