her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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