even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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