..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Found the puke drawer
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
