I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
