she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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