You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize