i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
