pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
