4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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