I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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