member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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