If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
