they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
