dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
