Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
