I just pynch a tree in the face
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
