I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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