Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
