Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
