My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
