Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
