haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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