Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
