im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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