so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
