and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize