There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize