Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
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