been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
