This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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