I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
