Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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