He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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