i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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