Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
