Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize