wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
you never un-have a 4some
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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