Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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