i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
