we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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