I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
