Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
