Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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