what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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