I just pynch a tree in the face
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
