My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
