my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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