I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
