dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
