I showed him my bush... on skype.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Randomize
