FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
