the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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