i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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