there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
