i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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