She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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