im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
