just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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