I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
