dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
