Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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