just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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