worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
