Dual....:-)
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize