I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
