PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize