She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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