At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
