you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I checked into jail on foursquare
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
