my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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