glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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