yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
