I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
