i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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