meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
