If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
