oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize