I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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