You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
