If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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