Sry I called you an 8
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Randomize