I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
