We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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