I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
