I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
